I’ve always fought for the good in people and their individual rights. It never mattered who they were. I always gave someone a first chance. Sometimes even a second chance. If they didn’t give me a reason to hate them, how could I? I’ve never seen the world in colors. It’s always been about black and white and how we could all change the world. Everybody is good at something, but not everybody’s good at that same something. So I really never saw racism either like other people did. It truly disgusts me to see parents raise their kids to be racist against a certain kind of ethnicity. It’s selfish, because maybe one thing might have happened in the parent’s past, and it made them hate everyone of that ethnicity. So they raise their child to hate that race and end up denying that child a whole life of great friends. We are all children of God.
Yes, some people swim against the current but I believe it’s for a reason; a reason bigger than we can comprehend. People can’t help who their attracted to. Everyone is different. I just wish the world could see that sometime. My ex girlfriends’ parents believe that if you play softball as a young girl, you will become a lesbian…LIKE WHAT! Who in their right mind thinks that’s a logical argument for a child to not play a sport? (It could just be my opinion) But if you play softball, some magical lesbian monster will automatically turn you into a lesbian…. So now, my ex-girlfriend believes that if her child is in softball, she will become a lesbian and that homosexuality is even a choice. She’s an ex for a reason. It just sucks that her parents raised her that way. They made her have those beliefs. She’s a gorgeous girl who I wish the best for, we just don’t have the same beliefs. So hearing and realizing that people still believe that attraction is a choice devastates me. Knowing that someone still thinks that way, and it had fairly peaked my interest in pursuing the reasons why people think that way and their reasoning behind it.
First of all, have you ever thought why you are attracted to a certain hair color or attracted to a certain ethnicity? It’s not because you are classical conditioned to feel that way. It just is. You can’t help that you like blonde girls with blue eyes. It’s just the type of person who you are attracted to. I’ve always been attracted to Brunettes with light eyes and light skin, I can’t help it. I don’t know why this is. If people can understand this, why can’t they understand that something is different in the genotype of people who are homosexual (where did something go wrong right? Because you like brunettes does that mean there is something wrong with your genotype? No it doesn’t. It’s because it’s who you are. No matter what anyone says they can’t change who they are, and who they are attracted to. It’s not their fault.
The reason behind this is, when I was younger, I asked my uncle why he chose to like guys because I didn’t understand his reasoning. It was weird to me as a child. I thought men and women are only supposed to be together. He said he couldn’t help who he was attracted to and that everything happens for a reason. It was never a choice for him, no matter how hard he tried to hide it during high school; he always felt attraction to men Same with women. Just because a girl plays softball doesn’t mean she will become a lesbian… like what? How can someone even think like that anymore?
Do you honestly think people like being ridiculed about going after their true beliefs? No, no one in their right mind would want that. How do you think Christians feel about the pesky atheists who ridicule them for what they believe in? How do you think people feel when their race gets mocked? How do you think I felt when I learned my girlfriend thought her daughter was going to become lesbian if she played softball? So that’s where the Jordan Bunch theory comes into play.
It all starts with the parents. Parents need to guide their child through their life, no matter what or who they believe in. A child’s life should be looked at as a precious gift. No matter how their children act through their childhood and teenage years. If a child is rebellious, locking him in his room, is only going to make him more rebellious. It’s like telling a child “DON’T PRESS THIS BUTTON” and just leaving the room with the button in front of him. What do you think the kid is going to do right after you leave the room? I bet you anything that button will be pressed. There is different ways of approaching this button of life. Instead of not giving the child reasoning behind not pressing the button, the parent just tells the child, “Don’t do this, because I said so.”
After awhile, it makes children eventually go crazy and rebel more than you could ever imagine. Throughout my generation, these parents, who are often the strictest on their kids, always end up suffering the worst consequences. Then ask the question of why did it happen to me? What could I do as a parent? What could I have done to prevent it? That’s where Jordan Bunch comes in. He was a childhood friend, who had the strictest of parents, and was never allowed to do anything as a kid. So as he grew older, he kept wanting to rebel. I don’t know if it was to get his parents attention or to try to fit in because of what he missed out on as a child. So as high school comes, his rebellion turned into his parent’s worst nightmare. He didn’t listen to them anymore. He did what he wanted to because he was tired of his parents trying to “Control” him.
Before he could even graduate high school, he had already received 3 DWI’s and was known as the “Town Klepto”. It sucks to see a childhood friend throw his life away over control, it could have been worse though, that could have been me who went down that path. I’m just lucky to have the friends and family I have. He was a great friend who fucked his future because he literally was never allowed to do anything. He just wanted to have friends and hang out a little later than his parents liked. Than rebelled against them like it was a dream from hell. That’s where the Jordan Bunch theory comes from. You might just think he was a rotten apple from the start, but there are so many kids who suffer from the Jordan Bunch Syndrome. It needs to be looked at more extensively. One my biggest fears as a future parent is for my child to not trust my ability to guide them through life.
Trust is everything to relationships. It’s the building block to every relationship. If someone doesn’t trust you, they will do everything in their favor to hide their true intentions. I don’t want my child to not trust me. I want my child to be able to tell me anything. I want that relationship with my child just like my parents had with me when I was going through the storms. Through thick and thin, they were always there to show me the light at the end of the storm. I always knew I was going to be alright as long as I had them. I’m not here to tell you I’m perfect, I just want you to be aware of the long term positive side effects of a trusting relationship between parents and their children. Yeah, I got in trouble as a kid. I was figuring out who I wanted to be. Every teenager goes through it. But my parents never left my side, and always believed in everything I did. Still to this day, I am grateful for everything they have done for me; and what they have done for my friends.
What some other parents thought about my parents were, “That they let me get away with anything, that I was a bad influence on their child, that I was going to hurt their child’s chance at a great future.” All that was bullshit. If you didn’t think I had strict parents, you weren’t at the New Year’s party; where my dad turned into a bull who chased everyone out of the house. It was never my parent’s fault I rebelled, it was just me being going through the teenager stage. It was a part of life. I was having fun without thinking long term consequences. Don’t you remember doing that as a teenager?
Parent’s need to understand that. No matter how they raise their children, their child will rebel at some point in their life. Trust me, my parents did whatever they could to try to “Control me” as an A.D.H.D kid, but they knew that was not right in their heart. I thank them for that now. By letting me be myself, I figured out I didn’t want to rebel anymore.
Do you ever get tired of doing something for so long you just get sick of it? That’s how it was with me and drinking. After all these years, I didn’t want to drink like a fish anymore. I like drinking socially now, but when I get drunk, I’m a different me. I hate that. I hate not being in control of myself. I finally took myself out of that stage of my life because I felt diluted and didn’t like who I had become. I had gained weight, and didn’t like what I saw in the mirror anymore. I wanted the best for myself and I wanted to have a successful future. Yeah, my teenage years weren’t the greatest either in the ideal parent’s eyes… But the consequences were never that severe.
Yeah, I broke the snack machine at Williams High School as a 9th grader and got suspended for a couple days. I had to learn the lesson the hard and stupid way. After getting caught, I didn’t want to steal anymore; it was because of the consequences, in which, I learned through my own actions. My parents did everything in their power to stop me from stealing. Thankfully my parents let me be who I was; a learning teenager who was going through a phase. There wasn’t anything they could do to change that. Like half the phases of a children’s life, this one ended quickly.
Parents think you can prevent this phase of their life, but every teenager wants what they can’t have, and for me, that was being a hoodlum and causing trouble as a 9th grader. I wasn’t a hoodlum. I knew that at heart. I just wanted to fit in with those kids because that’s who I was surrounded with, at that time of my life. I came from a good family, and like a good family, they helped me recognize that. They helped point out the “friends” with bad intentions. Like Amit, who stole from our family, even though he was supposed to be my “Best Friend?” I have no desire to do any type of thieving anymore because I see how it can drastically affect people. Yeah, I went down a wrong path a couple times, but my parents were always there to guide me back on the right path. Parents need to realize that sometimes that’s all you can ever do for your child. The more you restrict your child from something, the more your child’s going to restrict you from his or her life. Yeah I got in trouble for stealing candy, and fighting, and lots of other bad things growing up. But my parents were never ashamed of me, or even embarrassed about me. They didn’t exile me. They just wanted me to find the right path.
For the parents who are scared of alcohol or drug addiction affecting their child’s life; there is nothing you can do except show your child the consequences of going down that road and show how it affected your life, and how it can affect their life. If a teenager knows their parents’ made the same mistakes as them, it makes them feel more comfortable in the relationship with their parents, its growing bond, and a piece of trust. Teenagers find it much easier to relate to their parents, if they know their parents messed up too when they were their age. If parents could talk about everything with their child instead of sheltering them from it. It would mean a lot for that child and help them with their later obstacles, because they will always be your children—no matter how old they get.
Children need to have that special connection with their parents, even though it’s over something they both are not proud of. It helps builds that relationship between a parent and their child, and helps further their trust in each other’s relationship.
You can’t prevent your child from doing drugs. No parent can. Trust me. You can monitor them all you want, but the more you monitor them; the more curious they become about it. I had friends who had never been around anything when they went to college, then they went completely crazy when they got to college. It was mainly because they knew nothing of that nature and became immensely curious by it.
Yeah, I experimented with drugs a little bit in college. It was a different lifestyle. Something I’m not always proud of but is, and will always, be a part of me. I never got addicted though, that was the thing. I may struggle with self-control from time to time but who doesn’t. Cigarettes and some bad habits, but nothing ever controlled who I was.
The reason behind it, I always had an open relationship with my parents. I was never scared to ask my parents for advice or to let them know what I was doing at that time. Instead of the good majority of parents now and days, who would have ripped their child out of that college, they let me experiment while highly advising me not to go down that path.
Yeah it took a couple months to realize that I didn’t like who I had become. During those months, I learned that I didn’t want to go down that path anymore. Compared to, if my parents would have ripped me out of college, I would have wanted to rebel against them and be pissed off my whole entire life for trying to take away my chance at an education.
Trust me, I know some kids who feel that way about their parents and it truly sucks. I’ve always known it was never too late for me to turn back on the righteous path because I knew my parents were always going to be there for me. Like the rest of my phases, that drug phase ended with me learning a hard lesson through my own actions. It’s not like my parents liked what I was doing, they just knew how to handle the situation better than I did. They knew a majority of college kids go through that phase, so they didn’t freak when it happened, and accepted me for who I was and loved me for me. That helped me not get stuck in that phase of my life, and quickly get over it. I saw better things out there instead of getting high. I love that about my parents, and I want more parents to do that for their children. Parents need to realize how important that is with their children. Trust holds the highest meaning with children. Never forget. They need to have the ability to tell you anything, no matter how late or where they are, or what state they are in.
By preventing your child of ever going through that phase, you might lose your child completely to that phase. That was another thing I saw too much of in college. Friends, Pledge brothers, and ex-girlfriends; get stuck on that dark path. 90 percent of college kids don’t know how to handle that phase on their own. So make sure to always help them through the darkest of storms, no matter how hard that storm hits. I know I’m not a parent, I’ve just lost too many people to different things. I want to do whatever I can do to prevent that from ever happening again. I lost a friend recently to an addiction that took him over, it was because he couldn’t handle it on his own. I don’t want to see another parent suffer from that. It was horrible. Funerals shouldn’t be happening at our age. Parent’s need to guide their child to the light, and provide hope in their child. No matter how old they are or what road they chose. Once a child loses his hope from his parents, that’s when he truly becomes lost in the disease.
I never want my future child to feel like they can’t come to me during that pain, during that darkness, during that time they’re not proud of. Parents need to reassure their kids that it’s only a storm instead of a lifestyle or a dark hole. The sad part and reality about it is, sometimes… you never find the light to come back home, and that scares me more than anything. I’ve lost too many friends to dumb decisions. I need parents to be aware of how they treat their children during their childhood. It literally is the most important stage in a child’s life and they will never forget this time. Hence, why I am writing this. Parents should let your child be his or her self, no matter what their choices entail. Yeah, they might be a little weird or not fit in at first, but never worry about that. Just stick with them, and love them for who they are; because they need you more than you could ever imagine.
Trust me. Every child needs their parents, no matter how old they are, or get. There is not a day that I am not happy to see my parents. You can never let your child ever stray too far from you or you could lose them forever. Some teenagers can be ambitiously stubborn. No matter what your child does, you need to forgive them. Even if it’s the last straw, or the final time. Despite your beliefs, that is your child, your own genes, your own blood, your own flesh. Trust me, every child will break your heart sometime in your life. That’s inevitable. It’s a crushing part of life that you can try to avoid at all costs. Listen though, you’d rather have them break your heart early enough so they have time to let your heart heal and repair; rather than cutting them off completely, because they hurt you with their “childish” actions.
Children and teenagers don’t know any better till they get to an older age. It takes years to accept knowledge and wisdom from your parents. Just be patient with them. I am 24, and I just now am figuring out my life. I’ve just seen so many parents lose their child before this age, and I want to do anything I can to prevent that. I’ve seen too many parents cry over the loss of their child. It eats away at my heart every time, and that’s why I’m writing this. I want parents to be aware of how important it is to have a positive relationship with your child. You never know when it could be the last time you see them. There are so many accidents in this world, that not one day is guaranteed.
Parents should never have to bury their own kid. It should be the other way around. Death is just a horrible thing in general. I want my parents to experience my wedding, and my children’s future. That is so important to me. My grandparents were excellent, and I know my parents will be just as good to my kid as their parents were to me.
I’ve seen the pain of parent’s who’ve had to put their child in the ground at a young age too many times at this misguided generation of ours. Parents of this next generation, realize that your child will make multiple mistakes. That they will go through many phases that you hate, and they will piss you off along the way; No matter what, at the end of the day, they will always love you. You raised them and showed them the right way instead of constricting their actions and beliefs.
You did everything you could as a parent and that’s all that matters. You need to let your child grow to the person they can be. God has a bigger plan than many parents can comprehend. Have faith in yourself, and trust your child, and last of all, believe in their dreams no matter how foolish they may seem to you; because if you don’t believe in your child’s dreams, who will?